With every passing year my hair turns a little grayer and my butt becomes a little less responsive to squats and leg lifts. However, I’ve learned a few things in 2011 that can attribute to my vast knowledge of all-things-boy and teenage girls (which I can entirely attribute to my graying hair) that will hopefully make my journey into the new year a little less bumpy. Here are the Top 10 lessons learned in 2011…
#10…Having 2 teenagers AND 2 toddlers at the same time is hell on earth 90% of the time. I shouldn’t try to change this fact, just try to survive without choking a member of the immediate family on a daily basis.
#9…I’m convinced when boys pee, they do so with 1 hand covering their eyes and the other hand waving around their unmentionables while target practicing with the Kleenex box.
#8…Having 4 males in the house = farting as a new recreational activity.
#7…If I don’t see tears from a member of this family by 10 am, something is terribly wrong.
#6…Expecting a teenage girl to be on time for ANYTHING is like expecting the dishwasher to unload itself.
#5…I don’t care how incorrect the tag is. If I can make the size 6 skinny jeans fit by performing a handstand while simultaneously holding my breath doing 10 hail Mary’s to button them… I’m buying one of every color.
#4…Barney and the Power Rangers just won’t die.
#3…The best motivation for losing weight is looking at your 20-year high school reunion circled in red on the calendar.
#2…The best motivation for gaining weight is not giving a shit 2 days after your 20-year high school reunion and giving in to Recess peanut butter cups with wild abandon.
And the #1 thing I learned in 2011 is…
If I had a nickle for every time I said “Keep your hands to yourself” or asked “Where are your pants?” I could afford to buy Super Nanny herself.